5 easy, practical methods for the night owl, with none of that “get a proactive attitude” crap.
Let’s face it. Society is built for morning people and we night owls are struggling. I’m not bitter (I am). It’s just something we have to accept ’cause I don’t think sleep is going to be revolutionised in the next 50 years. It’s this bleak reality that made me develop a tried and tested method for us to get back in the game! And trust me, it wasn’t easy to figure out how to wake up.
Fostering a proactive attitude? Cultivating discipline? Making small changes? Bah, humbug! You want to wake up early and you want to wake up early now. Ain’t nobody got time for a healthy mental adjustment! Make time for that elsewhere. You’re probably struggling like I was to get up every morning. I’ll skip the bull-poo and dive right into it, shall I?
Not dive into the bull-poo. That. Wasn’t what I meant…
Anyway! Numero Uno!
1. Open yo dayum curtains
This might sound foolish I know, cause what are the curtains for, moon rays?? And dude, I agree with you. But maybe make the closed-curtain shindig a weekend thing? I WISH we didn’t have to leave the curtains open to wake up early in the morning, but we have no other option. Hey, if you clicked this article, you’re probably desperate. Step one of desperation ehem… I mean PRODUCTIVITY is making sure the curtains are WIDE OPEN so the sun’s gleeful rays can punch you in the face when it’s up. I’m not a proponent of violence, but if violence is what gets you out of bed, this’ll probably do it. Sleep is overrated anyway. Apparently. Don’t quote me on this.
2. Drink lots of water right before bed
I guarantee you, the urge to relieve oneself is one of the most powerful emotions a human can ever feel. Drink up before bed (water please!) and watch yourself willingly jump out of bed. Spiritually, sleep occurs on another plane of existence. Watch your pee cross that frontier. Really. But again, don’t quote me on this.
3. Schedule a class/meeting in the morning
I know what you’re thinking. The very point of getting up early for most of you is probably because of a commitment you have in the morning. Or maybe you just want to change your lifestyle and be more productive. But you can’t deny that one of the most practical methods of waking up is having someone wait on you. Unless you’re an inconsiderate butt-hole. Which in that case, this is probably not going to work for you because you really don’t give a hoot, do you?
4. Sleep, and don’t sleep
You confused? When I say sleep and don’t sleep, I mean it. Lemme bruh-bruh-break it down for you. If you’re one of those people who need 9 hours of sleep, go to bed earlier so you get 10 hours. Believe it or not, and I was sceptical too, the human body can only sleep for so many hours in one shot. I know! Scandalised. For most people, it’s 9 hours. Get to bed early and before you know it, you’ll be up feeling like you had a solid night’s sleep.
What I also mean, is that if you had less than those hours and are forced to get up early for some reason, do not nap. I’m the type of person who can nap for 5 hours straight in deep REM sleep, and giving up on those afternoon siestas hit me hard. However, they made me sleep like the dead at night. If I had a total of 6 hours of sleep, by 9 pm, my eyelids would be getting heavy. So no napping!
5. Night Mode
If you’re the type to like browsing Instagram, reading fan fiction or watching youtube videos before bed, I feel ya. If you’re an apple user like me, (I’m not sure if brands like Samsung does it, lemme know) the night mode function could change yo lyfe, son. And daughter.
I won’t bore you with the sciencey details, but the blue light from your screen is scientifically proven to keep your brain up, making it harder for you to fall asleep. I don’t know if it’s the placebo effect or not, but I genuinely feel like I get sleepier even while browsing if the night mode is switched on. And yeah, it’s pretty yellow, (I made it even yellower using the settings) but you eventually get used to it. I’m telling you, it works. You’ll find yourself sleeping earlier. And before you know it, TA-DAH! You wake up early. It IS that easy.
And thats’s 5 tried and tested methods I use to force myself out of sleep and into the fire that is society. Remember to stay #woke.
I’m sorry, I had to!
Think this was a load of rubbish? Maybe you have suggestions for what you’d like me to come up with practical solutions for another problem next? Or you can complain about morning people screwing up the market! We can commiserate. Let me know in the comments! You can also check out some of my other lifestyle posts here. Don’t forget to subscribe so you know when I post my next super dope magnum opus content!